Will You Survive a Relationship Breakdown?

Relationships connect us in this world with each other. We have many kinds of relationships-parental, sibling, friends, professional and love. We go through many phases in all these relationships. Ups and downs are part of our life and our relationships. Most of us can bear break down in most of the above relationships except those of love. Why? Who will survive a breakdown in romantic relationship and who will get shattered? Let us discuss.

The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. It is very simple equation. But let us remember that life is not made of equations and emotions do not behave mathematically. So it all boils down to personality. There are some who expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma.

On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. This is the vulnerable class. If by bad fate, they are ditched by the partner, they will suffer very bad trauma. They will never believe that this could ever happen and all their life they will spend wondering how it happened. Their faith in their partner is absolute. They trust their partners most and for them the shock of the broken trust is unbearable. They need psychiatric help. Hopefully with professional help they may recover. But at times the trauma is uncontrollable. They lose their faith in life and everyone else. The betrayal kills their inner core and the will to carry on. If you are one such type, please go into any relationship with the awareness that your partner may not be as honest as he/she looks.

Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. Sometime I feel that the world is for people who are practical and never allow their heart to rule over their mind.

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Women! Get More Love By Giving Less.

Any woman can attract a better quality man or inspire the man she has to give her more love, affection and romance, by learning the truth about Overnurturing.

What is Overnurturing? It’s doing too much in a relationship. Giving too much. It’s the reverse of how a relationship works best for a woman.Giving is what men are supposed to do. Women are supposed to receive the love, affection and gifts that men give, and then give love and affection back to them. Though many of us have caught onto this, its challenging to stop doing what weve always done, what weve been told is the way to do things, and to fly in the face of the fallout we fear. So Im going to tackle one little issue Nurturing.

Nurturing is masculine. If you want to get what he wants to give, stop nurturing your man.

Radical as this sounds, try it. Stop doing. Stop giving. Stop massaging your husbands feelings. Stop helping your date do the relationship thing and let him flounder until he figures it out. He will.

This whole concept of nurturing is a dilemma for most of us. We think of mothering, nurturing, caring for our young as a feminine aspect of ourselves.

It isnt.

Nurturing and caring for others may be a female trait Motherhood is female but its still about action! Nurturing is about doing. Giving. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a masculine energy place.

We are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we get confused. We think being loving to our men is nurturing them. Massaging their bodies, minds and spirits. There is nothing wrong with the idea of nurturing its the form our nurturing takes that causes so much difficulty. We are all composed of masculine and feminine (yin and yang) energies. We move through them fluidly at our best, and are stuck in one or the other at our worst.

But most of us are stuck at one extreme or the other. We either give too much all the time and then find ourselves resentful all the time, or we go the other way and make ourselves emotionally unavailable to our dates, our husbands, our boyfriends, and every man we meet.

Too often, our nurturing energies are perceived by men as mothering. Our actions seem intrusive. We seem to be judging them and finding them coming up short otherwise why would they need taking care of? On the other hand, they love attention. Dont we all?

To strike some sort of balance when we are all so mightily out of balance, Im asking you to pull back to zero. To at least imagine pulling back to zero. The baby steps you actually take may seem huge. When you stop doing for your man what he doesnt need you to do, yet has grown accustomed to your doing, may resent your not doing, and will certainly find himself relieved that youve stopped doing, things may get messy before they get better. But they will get better.

This is all about Overfunctioning.

What does Overfunctioning and Overnurturing look like?

You come to the door the moment he gets home and ask him how his day went. You offer to massage his neck, his feet, his back because he looks so tired (even though youre just as tired.) Or you give your date directions to your house before he asks. And you invite him in and offer him something to eat or drink without even knowing what he has in mind for the evening. You offer to cook him a meal when hes barely taken you out to a decent restaurant. You offer sex to your husband, without being asked, and even if youre not in the mood, because you figure you should. You ask him how he feels, and demonstrate concern for his feelings and moods.

This sounds nurturing, but its not. Its mothering. Nurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you dont want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if its damaging to you or his relationship with you this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.

And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when its happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy. Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy on his end of it.

This is feminine energy the expression of honest-to-goodness feelings. All the caretaking and fixing and doing and massaging and concern is masculine energy in action, and it will get you nowhere near what you want.

Try it the feminine way. Stop nurturing a grown-up man, and start expressing your feelings moment by moment. The first time is scary but then, youll see youll wonder how you ever loved any other way.

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Working with Difficult People: 3 Questions to Help You Turn

Working with Difficult People: 3 Questions to Help You Turn Your Tormentors into Teachers

When faced with the prospect of meeting with a confrontational employee, the project manager of a New Hampshire insurance company heaved a sigh. Not again, he thought to himself. Every conversation with this guy is a struggle.

He decided to use the meeting as an opportunity to shift perspective and try a new approach. He began by imagining that the employee had good intentions but was a bit rough around the edges. He considered that maybe if he aligned with the employee, he might be better able to direct him. First, he arranged the office chairs so that instead of face to face, they were at oblique angles and generally facing the same direction. Then he took a few deep breaths and opened the door.

The employee began by stating with intensity all that was going wrong with the project. The managers initial reaction was to resist the attack, but he refocused his attention on listening and understanding and sat quietly for a while. Instead of coming back with answers or a rebuttal, he found himself asking the employee what he thought the real nature of the problem was and what actions he would suggest to solve it. The confrontational atmosphere diffused and gave way to a sense of collaboration. The two were aligned physically in their chairs and now conceptually in the way they approached the problem. The change the manager made in himself turned out to be very effective, and both manager and employee began to work on solving the issues facing the project.

From Tormentor to Teacher

Its hard to like everyone. Some colleagues are great partners; we know their style and blend easily with them. We “dance well together.” With others we always seem to be out of step. We wonder, How can they be that way? or What makes them tick? Or worse we dont care; we just want to be as far away as possible.

The problem is we still have to work with these people, and our reactivity in their presence gives them a kind of power over us. However, by seeking to understand the opponent, we take the initiative. At worst, we learn something. At best, we may turn them into an ally and improve the quality of the work environment.

But how do you turn a tormentor into a teacher? Begin by asking yourself some questions about who they are and why they behave the way they do.

Who is this person away from the workplace? See the different parts of this person the parent, grandparent, friend, dancer, skier, singer, or loved one (of someone!). Chances are youre only seeing the annoying part of your tormentor. Widen your perspective.

What is their positive intention? Underneath the disrespectful behavior, what do they really want? Respect? Independence? Control? Acknowledgement? Attention? You may realize that you have similar goals, though you seek them differently.

Why do you think they behave as they do? Its useful to adopt the attitude that their actions have little (if anything) to do with you. Most people operate out of habit. Even if they dont get the respect or attention they desire, they cant change because they dont know any other way. Maybe it falls to you to help them find it. Suggest ways they might achieve their aims more effectively. Be their teacher.

True Power

As you read this article, think of someone with whom your “dance” feels like a struggle. Then, instead of wishing they would change, start with yourself. It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, at fault, or need to change your opinion. It means that in order to resolve the conflict it works better to begin with what you can control you.

Remember that youre doing this for you. You’re stuck and you want to get unstuck. Like your tormentor, you’ve been taking actions that arent working, so try something new. When your well-being depends upon the actions of others, you inadvertently give them power. But with awareness and practice, you can make new choices about how you respond to the difficult people and situations in your life and take the power back.

Our project manager and his employee will have more opportunities to dance with conflict as their relationship changes and grows. Thanks to the managers willingness to try something new, theyve discovered common ground from which to begin the process. We all have challenging people in our lives. Will they be tormentors or teachers? Our perspective greatly influences our response.

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Yes, You Can Have a Romantic Valentine’s Day, On A Budget

Yes, You Can Have a Romantic Valentine’s Day, On A Budget

While we would all like to whisk our partner away to celebrate St Valentine’s Day at an exotic five star resort, I know I can’t afford it, just yet!

Here are some ideas for Valentine’s Day luxuries on a budget that will amaze your partner. And if you do it just right, with a little creativity, you can have the ultra-romantic day that will convince your loved one of how much you love him or her. Again.

Getting out into the open air, just the two of you, is a great way to spend Valentines. Head for the hills or the state park. There are walks to suit all – whether its an easy walk or a more demanding hike. Remember, it’s February, so its likely that the place will be deserted and you will have all that natural beauty to yourself. And outdoor privacy is so romantic!

Take along a special picnic when you go out. In a small picnic basket collect a tablecloth, a vase with a realistic rose in it, 2 taper candles with holders (dont forget a lighter) and a lovely meal for two. When you reach the picnic area you can surprise your partner by setting the table for a romantic meal. Sit down and enjoy!

You could take the picnic with you on a romantic drive, or for a day out kite flying or bicycling. Remember that its being together that is important.

The outdoors idea even works for couples that have children. There’s always plenty for the kids to do if there is a safe and empty playground close by. What better way to celebrate your love than by keeping one eye on the children and reminding yourself why you love them, and their other parent, so much.

Don’t fancy the great, romantic, outdoors? Cooking your romantic Valentines meal together is a great way to share the day. Male sure that your dinner choice is something you will both enjoy, even better if its a special treat you don’t often have. Go over the top in decorating the dining room and go to town on the place settings. Make sure you both dress up in your best clothes, as if it was your first date, with your best jewelry and scent.

The main thing to remember is that if you are together you will have as romantic a time as you would have at a posh resort or an exclusive restaurant. Its the thought that counts, not how much money you spend.

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You Can Be Romantic!

Why is it that so many people believe that they dont have time or take the initiative to be romantic? Maybe most people dont believe that they are creative enough to be romantic. Everyone is creative! The definition of being creative is having the ability or power to create. The word create offers a much broader definition than most people accept when it comes to the process of being able to come up with something original or simply well thought out.

Gifts that are considered to be traditionally romantic like candy and flowers are wonderful, but sometimes you need something that goes one step further. If your spouse enjoys flowers, you dont have to settle for roses because they can sometimes become unexciting after a while! Present him or her with something completely original such as a daisy or another flower where petals can be counted. Ask him or her to play the childhood game of they love me, they love me not and watch them pluck the petals as they go. However, dont allow for the possibility of him or her arriving at the they love me not. Count the petals before you present the flower to your spouse and trim it so that there is an odd number of petals for the right outcome!

Arts and crafts used to be a fun break from the monotony of the school day, but believe it or not, it will come in handy when it comes to creative romantic gestures. Instead of promising that you will love him or her forever, show them. Take a piece of paper, ribbon or other material you choose and write I love you on both sides from end to end. Twist the paper 180 degrees and connect both ends of the paper until you have mad what looks like the figure eight. Tape or glue to ends together. You can present your love with a symbol that shows them your love for them is an endless love.

Creativity comes in many different forms! Being creative can mean creating an atmosphere. If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply dont want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (its up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You wont have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.

Maybe romance is on your mind, but he or she is going out of town. Did you know that people on airplanes are typically hopeless romantics? Any flight attendant would be more than happy to make sure that your spouse receives a special present after the flight has left the ground. Simply approach a crewmember after he or she boards the plane and they are usually more than happy to oblige a hopeless romantic like you! (You might want to make sure that the gift is unwrapped or keep it to a single rose due to heightened security.)

Creativity doesnt have to come in the form of gifts every single time. Gestures like getting up and dancing with your spouse when a special song comes on the radio is quite creative and incredibly romantic! Whenever the mood strikes you, allow your creative juices to flow!

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You Can Improve Your Relationship 2

It seems as if creating successful relationships with our significant others and parenting children are two of the most difficult jobs we face and yet we get no formal training in either. Its as if people believe that we are born with an inherent ability to do these two things. Yet, look around us. In the US, the divorce rate is slightly over 50%! I dont know anywhere but baseball where a 50% average is a good thing.

Couples go through life getting along when times are good; and fighting with, ignoring, or leaving each other when things get tough. Most people believe that to seek help with their relationships means to admit a certain kind of defeat that says something about who they are as a person. Or possibly, they believe that relationships are something we are just supposed to be able to manage on our own. Or, finally, some people believe that those out there helping couples cant know any more than they do. After all, whats to know about keeping relationships together?

Well, the truth is that there is a whole lot to learn when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, the only training most of us ever receive is the passive learning we get through the modeling of the adults who live in our house with us and the media. Now, I dont know about you, but my parents had only received the informal training they got from their parents, and they from my great grandparents and so on back through the generations. There is so much more to know about relationships than that!

Also, my parents have helped support that 50% statistic cited earlier in that they divorced sometime around their 25th wedding anniversary. What I learned about relationships from watching them is that couples never argue, especially in front of the children. On the surface, my parents had a very happy marriage but my father experienced a stereotypical mid-life crisis and suddenly questioned the meaning of life and decided marriage was holding him back somehow.

In some ways, this type of training may have been as bad as those who have parents who argue all the time. Disagreements are a natural by-product of relationships. It is virtually impossible for two people to come together and create a life without some of their ideals, values, opinions or day-to-day activities coming into conflict with each other. The question becomes how the couple manages this conflict.

There are many things to consider when speaking about couples and their challenges and areas for growth and development. The first is compatibility. I know there is an expression that says opposites attract and I believe there is some accuracy in that statement when you think of attraction as that chemical interaction that occurs when two people meet and are attracted. This chemical attraction doesnt care what the other persons values are, what is important to him or her, the personality characteristics involved, or what either of you likes to do in your spare time. Compatibility is a key for a successful, healthy relationship. Go to www.therelationshipcenter.biz and take the free Assessment to determine your compatibility with your partner.

A second consideration is simply that there are major differences in how men are in relationships compared to how women are. Women generally dont understand men because the men dont act like women and similarly, men dont understand women because they dont act like men. And since a woman has never been a man and a man has never been a woman, how does each learn about these important differences? John Gray researched and wrote about these issues in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. But I would say that the majority of people in relationships dont take the time to learn about these gender differences. It is easier to point a finger and blame the other person for his or her irrational behavior.

As mentioned earlier, a third area of growth is learning how to manage conflict. There are time proven methods for resolving conflict that we dont learn in school or from a book. There are ways to actually hear each other in relationships. By placing the relationship FIRST in importance, these methods can be implemented by couples to greatly improve their satisfaction.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please dont become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

Take charge and take control of your life. Learn some new ways to improve the relationship you are already in or to prepare yourself for being a better, improved partner for the next person in your life. Contact Kim at 708-957-6047 or email at Kim@TheRelationshipCenter.biz about relationship coaching or take one the many Teleclasses scheduled on the Events Calendar at www.TheRelationshipCenter.biz. Dont wait until it is too late.

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You Can Improve Your Relatonships

Is there magic to what makes some relationships last longer than others? Maybe. Do some people just sit back and sulk, while others seem to let life go by right over their heads and problems? It sure seems so. Or maybe its just that some people learn secrets of success from their grandparents or other relatives or friends. And since the latter is probably more accurate, here are some tried and true tips from people who have enjoyed long, happy relationships.

1. REFRESH Take time to look back, refresh your memories and share what brought you together. Especially when times are difficult, lean back and rely on these old memories as your foundation and glue yourselves back together with them (not literally, of course!)

2. DATES Keep dating each other. Even if life seems too busy, meet at the end of the evening for something light and easy, like viewing your favorite sitcom (record it if necessary) together or playing a game of Euchre.

3. FUN Couple tend to have fun on dates, then get married and too serious. Lighten up. Head to Yahoo Games (off Yahoo.com main site) and join in any number of card or other games. Or head to a local rental shop and rent an Xbox or other game player and some games.

4. FORGET No need to always remember the bad things that happened during an argument. Actively forget sometimes. Be the first to apologize and make up. Go for it!

5. SPACE Give each other some space. Either you trust or you dont. Get on with life, though. People need time alone and time with their mates and other friends. Be sure to give and take your fair share of space.

6. DISAGREE Agree that its okay to disagree on some issues, and leave it at that. No need to create a new religion or political movement just to appease both of you. You dont HAVE to agree on everything. And you wont. And thats okay.

7. MEMORIES Make some together. Enjoy special moments, special anniversary dates and events. No need to be elaborate. For example, maybe you enjoyed watching a hot air balloon race one spring day. The next year, you might schedule time to watch it again. Make it an annual event. Collect postcards with balloons on the, playing cards, toss pillowsover time it becomes a theme.

So dont just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let lifes problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.

Improving relationships require knowing what to do and how to do it. If you follow some tried and true tips, it is possible you can also improve your relationships.

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